what i'm walking

this morning i had the sweet sweet opportunity to have coffee with a mom here in town who's son has down's syndrome.  this mom is one of the most genuine, wisdom-filled and compassionate moms i know.  and she understands the special needs life.  as we talked for an hour and a half about the journey through special needs i came away with the following:

1) i need to be proactive.  b is about to start testing with the special needs preschool here in town to see if she qualifies for services.  i've just assumed that she will and that the school will do a great job of educating her and will give her all the services she needs.  not to say that this preschool is bad, cause it's not, in fact it seems to be awesome.  BUT, i am my daughter's best advocate and i need to pursue and fight for what i believe is best for her.  her suggestions: observe the classrooms (a couple times if possible) before putting her in the school; seek the services i believe she needs even if the school doesn't; volunteer in the classroom once she's a student; don't accept their word as final truth- fight for b's best opportunities.

2) the special needs life is hard.  it is special, but it is hard.  i have to die, daily, to my desires and plans for her life.  i have to work really hard to teach her, with very slow coming evidence that she "gets it." i have to help other's understand her strengths and limitations.  i have to watch her do things (or not do things) that kids her age, and younger are doing much more successfully.  i don't say this to complain, but just to be real.  i don't want to pretend that this is easy.  and hearing this mom confess her own struggles was actually an encouragement to me.  it made me feel less alone.  it validated my hardships.  it helped me to realize that struggles are a part of this journey- not to be feared, but to be embraced and surrendered.  so maybe by writing this, i can encourage someone else who is fighting the same fight.

3) grace is good.  grace for myself.  grace for my daughter.  i have days (way more that i want to admit) that i just don't do a good job being intentional with b (or g for that matter).  and i beat myself up for my laziness and failure to perform.  grace is necessary.  i want to do a good job as a mom, but i sometimes fail.  and the Lord forgives.  and then He gives me another shot.  grateful for grace.

4) teachable moments happen all the time.  even when i don't notice them, or realize i am taking advantage of them.  i want to notice them more- doing the laundry and pointing out that the clothes are warm.  or matching socks.  or recognizing the difference between a shirt and pants.  doing life with my children is so valuable.  teachable times are a part of every day life.  i just want to start seeing them more and taking advantage of them.

5) special needs kids need to be "pushed."  as our therapists say, sometimes i have to be the bad guy.  i have to make her walk down the steps even when she doesn't want to.  i have to make her say "all done" or "more milk" or "food please" even when i know what she wants.  i have to make her finish a task, even when she's not interested.  all these things require patience.  patience that i seem to run out of quickly.  but, pushing her helps so much more than i can begin to express.  my son, who needs no pushing, just gets it.  he says his words and finishes his "tasks" and enjoys doing things on his own.  b would have me do everything for her if i would.  tough love, baby, tough love.

6) finding someone who understands is invaluable.  my heart and soul were nourished this morning.  i needed to have someone who knows the path i am walking.  to have someone who understands the blessing and the heartache associated with special needs encouraged me in so many ways.  thanks ms. diane.  i am so grateful for you and your encouragement as we both walk this special journey.