it's a trip, not a vacation

my husband and i were told that once you have kids you no longer take vacations... you take trips.  ohhh, this statement couldn't be any truer.  and the family got to take a trip this weekend up to lake city, minnesota for a family reunion.  almost 50 members of my mom's side of the family reunited for the weekend in the town where 2 out of the 5 siblings grew up.  right on the mississippi river, we got together for a fun time of reminiscing and catching up.  relaxing... one hotel room, two adults + two babies, two 11-hour road trips, 2 a.m. crying, 5:30 a.m. wake up, feeding a 2 year old with no high chair, following a crawling 6 month old around a hotel lobby... nope, not relaxing.  enjoyable... seeing mom + dad + brother + sister-in-law + 50 aunts, uncles, cousins, cousin spouses, cousin kids, a petting zoo, a small town carnival, running along the mississippi, catching up with the masses, seeing the house where mom grew up... yup, very enjoyable.  i enjoy my family, immediate and extended, very much, and it was so interesting to hear stories of my grandma and grandpa (who i hardly knew) and discover so many of their personality traits oozing out of me.  i'm discovering daily how important family is to me, as my own has grown from just my husband and me, to my husband, me, two kiddos and two dogs.  so it was neat to experience "family" on a much bigger scale for the weekend.

below are a couple pics from the weekend.... i haven't yet decided if i'm going to use my husband and kid's names in my posts so for now i'll just use their initials.  p.s.  there are not many pics of G (my son) cause he seemed to be sleeping during all the photo shoots.  enjoy.

yes we are driving, yes she is out of her seat.  it's a loooong road trip.

currently ok with being in the car seat... the drive must have just begun.

i'm telling you, he slept during all the fun stuff

went to a petting zoo... first were the miniature donkeys

then came the llamas... or were they alpacas?  or are they the same animal?

then the calves, and the tasty green metal fence

finally a pony ride, or um, a pony sit.

putting our toes in the mississippi

B and me

my playlist

those of you who know me well know that i'm not exactly a music connoisseur.  or expert.  or fanatic.  i enjoy music, but i know little (ok, nothing) about what's cool.  or up-and-coming.  or on the edge.  i usually borrow all my music insights and favorites from friends and family.  you could say i'm a music poser.

that being said, i find it slightly amusing that i've decided to blog about my "playlist."  there is nothing on this list that is some secret discovery- these are simply songs that the Lord used to speak to my heart during the really hard days of this past year.  the Word of God was always a constant source of truth, and conversations with friends were amazing blessings, but praise songs spoke to my heart in a way that nothing else could.  the following list is my makes-me-cry-but-i-love-and-need-the-truth-in-the-lyrics playlist.  if you do not own these songs, buy them, now.

Mighty To Save by Hillsong

Everlasting God by Lincoln Brewster

Healing Is In Your Hands by Christy Nockels

My Help Comes From The Lord by The Museum

No Matter What by Kerrie Roberts

"The Love of The Lord Endures" by Joy Williams
     **Couldn't find this one of GrooveShark, but ya'll need to find it and listen!**

Blessings by Laura Story
    **New discovery and I heart the lyrics a lot**

Happy Listening!!

same song, new meaning

last year, at this time, i wore water proof mascara to church.  why?  because i could not make it though worship without crying.  and our worship team had this horrible (by that i mean wonderful) habit of singing "Mighty To Save" week after week.  the minute the drums intro-ed this song, the water works began.  the chorus states:

Savior, He can move the mountains.  My God is Mighty to Save.  He is Mighty to Save.  Forever, Author of Salvation.  He rose and conquered the grave.  Yes He conquered the grave.

every time we came to the chorus  i could barely speak those first two lines.  as the music rang i whispered those words as a prayer.  fighting to hope that this was true of my God.  i wanted to believe with my whole life that my Savior could move the mountains of my daughter's seizures.  i wanted to fully trust that He was Mighty to Save her from her epilepsy.  these words were an anchor for my soul and the hope i held onto when all else was dark.

we sang this song again this morning.  once again the tears started up... and i forgot to put on my waterproof.  hello racoon eyes.  but when we got to the chorus i found myself singing the words with a brand new motivation.  no longer was the line "He can move the mountains, My God is Mighty to Save" a prayer... it was a declaration.  the joy that i feel in writing that and declaring that is awesome.

my Savior has moved mountains this past year.  He was, and IS Mighty to Save.  i hope i never have to cling to these promises again, although i'm sure i will.  but when that day comes, i can cling to them while also KNOWING they are true.

thankful for the unknown

this post has been twirling in my mind for several weeks now (hence the huge gap between posts).  i've been trying to get it just right and have finally decided that i just need to get it out and see what comes of it.  also, i'm finally going to let the world, i.e. facebook, know that i'm blogging, so i wanted this to be a great post.  pride, i know.  but i'm letting go of it so i can simply stop thinking about this post.

recently i've been thinking about how i am actually grateful for the unknown.  now those of you who know me well know that this is a very unlike me statement to make.  and most of the time, i really hate the unknown.  i want to know the plan.  i want to know what's coming.  i want to pretend that i'm prepared and ready for everything.  i don't like the unknown. 

but, as i've been looking back over this past year, i've come to discover how truly blessed i was by the unknown.  when my daughter was diagnosed with epilepsy last march her entire future became this huge question mark.  what did this diagnosis mean?  what was causing the seizures?  will she ever outgrow the seizures?  will we ever find a medicine that will stop them?  how will this affect her development?  so, so, so many questions and NO answers.  for 8 months the doctor could not answer any of these.  and i, in the midst of it all, was hating the unknown.

despite my hatred of the unanswered questions i, for some reason, kept myself from researching the internet for possible answers.  the Lord pressed it heavily upon my heart that i needed to stay away from the searching.  and now, one year later, i am beginning to understand why. 

about a month ago a friend told me about a college friend of her's who's child was exhibiting similar seizure activity to my daughters, but she never recognized it as seizures or took her child to the doctor to get it examined.  sadly, the child ended up having a grand mal seizure that took her life.  i cannot even write that without feeling overwhelmed with grief and sorrow.  my friend, in her wisdom, did not share this story with me as it was happening last summer.  had i heard this story last summer, i don't know if i would have been able to cope with that possibility in my daughter's life.  a case of the good unknown.

several weeks ago i was browsing through the blog of a friend of a friend (read her post on May 9)- this family has a daughter that was born right around the same time as my daughter, and has been diagnosed with epilepsy, along with several other disabilities.  her 2 year old is close to a 5 month old developmentally.  i don't know if the seizures are the source of her delays and disabilities, but as i read i couldn't help but be grateful that i didn't know that my daughters seizures could have taken her down a much more difficult road.  again, so glad i didn't know. 

so, despite my continued desire to be in the know, i have learned, and continue to learn, that there is something precious and valuable in the unknown.