wait, it's not on the list!!!

in recent weeks i've been going to bed 1) exhausted and 2) slightly discouraged from my lack of "accomplishments" during the day.  yes i have two kiddos under the age of 3.  yes it is 100 degrees outside which makes inside play the only option.  and yes, when naptime hits i have little to no desire to be productive.  so last night i made a list of all the things i hoped to accomplish today.

i love lists.


i love crossing things off my list in sharpie.


this list might have too many things on it.


so when i got up this morning at 6:30 (ok, 6:40... but doesn't 6:30 sound so much earlier and much more painful?) i tried to start on the list, beginning with my quiet time.  yes i put that on the list --> 1) it helps to keep me accountable and 2) i like crossing things (anything) off my list. 

well the quiet time lasted for about 10 minutes before the babies demanded my attention.  so, does 10 minutes count as a quiet time?  what i'm really asking is, can i cross it off my list?  mostly joking... mostly.

now it's 7 am and i start feeding a baby.  then i change diaper #1.  then diaper #2.  then i start in on breakfast.  but then "big house" by audio adrenaline comes on the radio and i have to do a little song and dance number for the babies to show them how cool i was in 8th grade.  (and yes, that song is STILL on the radio).  first is applesauce and medicine for B.  then time to scramble the eggs for B.  now serve B her breakfast.

next G gets his applesauce and cereal. 

breakfast for babies ends, breakfast for mama begins.  and ends quickly.  diaper #3 calls.  oh and it's laundry day.  start the laundry.  time to dress B, and G, and mama.  and then it hits me.  NONE.OF.THIS.IS.ON.MY.LIST.

not the diapers. x3

not the breakfast. x3

not the "big house" song and dance

not the laundry. x6 loads

not the clothes. x4 -B required a wardrobe change.

and i'll be honest, there was a part of me that wanted to run to my list to write all this on it.  i wanted to feel like i was actually accomplishing something this morning.  but i resisted.  i'm learning (VERY SLOWLY) that all these small non-list tasks are F.U.L.L. of accomplishment, regardless of whether or not it is on the list.

i think that this is all a part of the joy (and growing pains) of learning to be a stay-at-home mom--> reevaluating and restructuring daily priorities and learning what are the true "to-dos" of the day.  so here's hoping that today you can cross something off your list while recognizing all the valuable things you did today that are not on your list.

p.s.  i have crossed 4 out of the 11 things off my list ;)

a good read

i just read this article after my friend posted it on her facebook page.  if you are a parent or are thinking about one day becoming a parent then you should read this.  i think you'll like it.

"Motherhood Is a Calling (And Where Your Children Rank)

sharing grief

recently i have been thinking in "blogs."  although my life is far from fascinating, there are little things throughout the day that i find amusing, frustrating or interesting, and therefore blog-worthy.  today's blog, however, is none of these.  while i have been mulling over this post for about a week now, the right words and thoughts still seem to evade me, so forgive me if i ramble.

two weeks ago a good friend from high school's dad passed away.  eight days later another good friend from high school lost his father.  and one of my oldest and dearest friends is married to the first guy.  i cannot stop thinking about and praying for these two families, and the many lives that are affected by the loses.  i have cried for all of them, i have been so saddened by their losses, and i have walked through the valley of grief with them, even from a thousand miles away.

although it has been awhile since i have experienced the pain of losing a loved one, i do believe that i am familiar with grief.  and i don't think the cause matters, grief is grief.  it hurts.  it overwhelms.  it runs deep.  but eventually it doesn't hurt, as much.  eventually, it is not as overwhelming.  and, eventually, it moves to shallower ground.  but i think it always lingers.

maybe i'm wrong about that.  maybe eventually the grief over a deep-seated loss goes away.  and maybe it isn't the grief that lingers, but i think something sticks around.  don't know what to call it, but there is something that remains- a reminder of sorts.  why does this "something" stick around?... i'm not entirely sure.  but for right now, and for these past two weeks, this lingering grief has allowed me to feel connected to my friends who are so far away.  i know my source of grief is different from theirs, but i feel able to mourn with them.  and i feel able to pray for them.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."  2 Corinthians 1.3-5

Much love and comfort to you, Matt, Amanda and Rob.

gained the tubes, lost the adenoids

last thursday (june 30th) my daughter, B, had her very first (and hopefully last) surgery.  after 2 years of a constant runny and/or stuffy nose i finally became fed up with stashing a box of kleenex around every corner of my house, and i took her to the ENT.  the doctor determined that she did have liquid in (or is it behind?) her eardrum and so was a good candidate for ear tubes.  he said that while she was under anesthesia he would look at her adenoids and remove them if they were enlarged.

although i knew this was a very minor surgery i still had to fight feelings of anxiousness.  my husband and i have received so much frustrating and bad news from B's doctors over the past year and a half, that we almost expected something to go not-quite-right during her surgery (i know, pessimism can easily reign at times).

thankfully everything went great... and fast.  i don't think i was in the waiting room longer than 20 minutes before they called my name to let me know it was over and all went great.  she had just a small amount of liquid in (behind?) her eardrums, and the adenoids were definitely enlarged and in need of removal.  buh bye adenoids!

6 am, waiting in the lobby with our beloved "puppy"

dressed in her fetching hospital gown, making everyone in the halls smile with her laughter

our fabulous hospital showered her with gifts, including a new movie "tinkerbell"

small side note:  because of her enlarged adenoids + her constant runny nose, B has been a mouth breather since birth (basically).  this mouth breathing has caused her to have a "weak" jaw since she always leaves her mouth open, which we believe has also led to a "weak" tongue.  all of this, we think, is contributing to (but not the source of) her speech delays, as well as her eating "problems."  her speech therapist noticed that she doesn't really chew her food but kind of gnaws on it then swallows... yes, gagged-up food is a regular part of meal time... thank you very much weak jaw and tongue.  we now have a "chew tube" for her to use to strengthen both tongue and jaw (awesome, add that to my daily to-do list).  it has been so interesting to start uncovering all the different factors that are contributing to her delays.  glad we're finding answers.  frustrated that we didn't find them earlier.  but in this frustration the Lord reminds me, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43.18-19 (my promise for this season in B's life!)  Hello Chew Tube, let's get started!